Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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