Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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