Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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