I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
