From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
