Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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