May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
