I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
