i think i have two assholes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
