your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
