My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
