god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
