i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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