Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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