my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize