It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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