i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
