Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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