Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
