it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
