im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
