You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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