OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
