please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
