Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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