You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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