new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
