I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
