Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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