It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
