I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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