I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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