You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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