Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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