we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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