not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
