I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
