Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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