sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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