Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
