omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
