After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
