True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
