I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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