Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
