sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Two words: blizzard sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
