You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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