Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize