fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
