So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
