defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
