Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
