Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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