It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
