there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
