I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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