he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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