Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
