I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
