i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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