WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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