like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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