you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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