it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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