Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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