I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
