you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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