Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
