Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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