Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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