the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
