i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How's work?
Spinning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
