Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize