im drinking this country out of the recession.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
