I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
