FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
