Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
