My room smells like vodka and shame
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
