toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
