They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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