So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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