so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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