I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
